Movies Coming Soon: Summer 2014 edition – Part 2

Caeser and his gang of apes take over the world in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Caeser and his simian gang take over the world in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Having posted my “must-see” movies of this summer yesterday, today is relegated to the “hmm, interesting… but I’ll wait for the DVDs” and the “nope, definitely never watching its”.
Shows I would like to watch, just not in cinemas:

The Zero Theorem (Apr 3)

I adore Christoph Waltz, who was absolutely fantastic in Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained (and looks like John Malkovich in this movie). However, Terry Gilliam (the director) makes the strangest films that are more than a little difficult to understand, so I’ll wait for the DVD release to watch it. I barely understood the trailer as it is. Perhaps having subtitles will help.

Enemy (Apr 10)

Enemy looks interesting. Jake Gyllenhaal plays a man who seeks out his doppelganger after spotting him in a movie. It’s directed by Denis Villeneuve, who also did Prisoners with Jake Gyllenhaal and Hugh Jackman; and Oscar-nominee Incendies, which was lauded for its shocking twist, among other things. However, it also looks like a film I would rather watch in the comfort of my own home than make a trip to the cinema for.

Cuban Fury (Apr 10)

This British comedy about a former salsa prodigy and current loser hoping to win the woman of his dreams through salsa dancing looks hilarious — I love British humour — but ditto above reason.

Sabotage (Apr 10)

Maybe? It has several actors I like in it (Sam Worthington, Josh Holloway, Max Martini). But I don’t love them enough to want to go to the cinema for a violent B-movie about members of an elite DEA task force being taken down one by one after they rob a drug cartel safe house.

The Other Woman (Apr 17)

I wasn’t going to watch this at first — I’m not a fan of Cameron Diaz, or movies about cheating men and the women who get cheated on, whether or not said women spend the movie taking revenge. But the trailer looks rather funny, and Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau I mean) plays the cheater! So I’ll give it a try; I just won’t shell out money at the cinema for it.

Muppets Most Wanted (Apr 24)

I’m tempted to skip this, because the Muppets didn’t play a part in my childhood, so they don’t hold the same significance to me as their target audience (re: people who grew up with the Muppets). But looking at the long list of celebrity cameos, one of whom is the ever-delightful Tom Hiddleston, I may watch it just for them; and not in cinemas.

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (Jun 12)

Unless the reviews are unequivocally, fantabulously full of praise, like they were for The Lego Movie, I’m going to wait for the DVD. (Though I must admit the dragons look really cute. But that’s not an adequate reason to see a movie.) I rarely watch non-Pixar animated films in cinemas because most animated films tend to dumb it down for the kids who are their target audience, and, well, I’m not a kid anymore.

The Expendables 3 (Aug 14)

When reviewing The Expendables 2, I mentioned that I wasn’t into testosterone-filled fests. Which is why I may watch this at home a few months after the fact — it is an iconic line-up of ’80s action stars after all — but I won’t spend money to watch it in cinemas.

The Giver (Aug 21)

Meryl Streep and Jeff Bridges are in it, which would bill it as prestige fare, but the trailer was humdrum and set in a sterilised world that looks like every other dystopian, futuristic movie I’ve seen of late; so I’m iffy about this.
Shows I’m not watching:

Neighbors (May 8)

I’m not a fan of Seth Rogen’s brand of movies, or his frat boy humour. And this looks like one of the stupider frat boy comedies out there.

The Fault in Our Stars (Jun 19)

I’m sure it will turn out great, since it’s adapted from the best-selling and highly acclaimed novel by John Green; but because it is also about a girl dying of cancer and has a heartbreaking ending, I don’t want to watch it. I didn’t watch A Walk to Remember either — a film *loved* by people of my generation — so this won’t be an exception.

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (Jul 10)

I’ll probably skip this, though Gary Oldman is in it, since I didn’t even have the desire to watch the first one. As I said yesterday, unnatural forces, i.e. sentient apes, taking over the world and exterminating mankind are creepy like hell, and I’m not one of those moviegoers who like going to the movies to creep themselves out.

Hercules (Jul 24)

No. Just… no. It looks SO cheesy and B-movie quality, and is definitely one of those testosterone-filled fests I don’t watch, starring The Rock, he-of-the-ridiculously-over-bulging-muscles.

22 Jump Street (Jul 24)

I didn’t watch 21 Jump Street because it looked stupid, and I don’t think 22 Jump Street will be an improvement. Also, frat boy comedy.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (Aug 28)

The original Sin City came out in 2005 and instantly became a pop culture fave. (It currently sits at #166 on the IMDb Top 250.) But I’m not into the black-and-white, over-stylised graphic novel aesthetic that they are going for, so I’ll bow out of watching this.
And that about covers all the major releases this summer. If I missed out any, it’s because they aren’t really “summer” movies per say and I have no idea when, if ever, they are coming to Singapore (e.g. Tom Hardy’s LockeOnly Lovers Left Alive starring Tom Hiddleston and Tilda Swinton, Jon Favreau’s Chef); or I’m not interested in them at all.